2018 Bachelorette - Week 8 Update

Ciao, loyal Bachelor Nation enthusiasts,

I've returned from Italy to jump right back into this disaster of a season.

Once back on US soil, I caught up on last week's episode. The week before hometowns, Becca pretty openly ranks the remaining contestants to go on three 1:1 dates with her top front-runners, and then an awkward 3:1 date with the remaining men. During the episode, Colton finally reveals to Becca that he's ~never scored a homerun in baseball~ and Blake whines about his insecurities that his girlfriend is concurrently dating 5 other dudes. Despite these shortcomings,  Colton, Garrett, and Blake all get roses on their 1:1s. and Becca hands Jason the final rose on the group date.  Unfortunately, this means we say goodbye to Leo and Wills.

Now, let's jump into what is historically the best night of the season - IT'S HOMETOWNS, BABY.

We start the night with Garrett bringing Becca back to his family farm to participate in a rousing, fun filled day of planting tomatoes in a field. I'm not sure if the family thought this was like Mike Rowe on Dirty Jobs where they get free labor for a day, but it feels less than productive as Becca wrecks a few rows of plants as she sits uncomfortably on the front of a piece of farm equipment in a romper that should never be worn within 50 yards of a manure spreader. Becca then gets to meet Garrett's family. His sister looks just like Becca, and Becca can't stop reminding Garrett that she's dating someone identical to her deceased father. It's super uncomfortable to watch - but hey, at least their weirdness is alike(???). Overall, a strong date.

Next we jump to Jason/Danny Zucco taking Becca to a wing eating contest in Buffalo, NY. Becca eats three bites of one wing and then gets distracted smearing hot sauce on her beau's face. I'm repulsed. Next, Jason takes her to a hockey rink, where he says if he can score while she's goalie, she "owes him a kiss". I've mentioned this in past recaps and I'll mention it ONE MORE TIME FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK. I repeat - Becca, nor any woman, will ever "owe" anyone a kiss. Thank goodness I'm not on the show because our boy Jason would've gotten a well-deserved hockey stick to the face. UGH. As the T-Bird rambles to Becca the rest of the date, I long to hear the opening bars of "Stranded at the Drive-In" playing in the background. He's not a great choice, IMHO.

On the third hometown date, the increasingly insecure Blake takes Becca to his hometown in Colorado. Before meeting his family, he randomly surprises her with a super weird concert in the middle of his high-school gymnasium where a knock-off Pink! struts on stage. Becca, however, clearly recognizes the singer and completely fangirls. She's the only person in the audience of 200 who's ever seen this gal before, so ABC pans the audience of confused looking girls while Becca sings her heart out to some obscure jam. I'm cold on Blake, and am formally calling it now that if/when he loses, there will be a restraining order issued - the dude's got some cray-cray in him.

Lastly, we get to Colton's hometown. Somehow, despite all odds, Colton has wormed his way into my heart. The ex-professional football player who now runs a charity helping sick kids, takes Becca to a hospital to present two kids with a bag of gifts. If this doesn't melt your icy heart, nothing will.

Before the rose ceremony, Becca meets up with all of her former Bachelor Nation gal pals to dish on the remaining men. Friends, if you were outside last night, I hope you saw the shooting star - that was Tia, the loveable southern sweetheart from Arie's season, falling from America's good graces. You'll recall that her and Colton casually dated for two seconds before this season started. This was revealed early in the season, and Tia and Colton both reassured Becca that it just didn't work out, and that Colton was there "for the right reasons".  When Tia finds out that our bae Colton is in the top four, she immediately pulls Becca aside to tell her she "still has feelings for Colton" and "feels ill thinking about them together". Wow. LOW BLOW, TIA. LOW BLOW. Unfortunately, this leads to Becca sending Colton home at the rose ceremony and everyone in America immediately unfollowing Tia on Instagram. 

Moving forward, Becca's top three men include Garrett the Instagram bigot with glacier-sized teeth, Blake the insecure whiner, and Jason the next celebrity to get caught up in the #MeToo movement, all contending for Becca's heart. It's official - I've forgiven Arie for dumping Becca on live tv.