2019 Bachelor - Week 4 Update

Firstly, thank you to whoever at ABC approved the travel budget for this season. It's Week 4 and the girls are jetted across the world to Singapore. How is this fair? Isn't it some sort of rite of passage that we spend at least one week out west on boring hiking dates and another in some low budget resort in Florida? Honestly, I wouldn't blame Colton if he is diverting some of the funds from his Cystic Fibrosis charity to pay for this season. Yes, there are sick kids that need help, but did you see the view from that hotel suite!? Worth every penny.

Tayshia gets the first 1:1 of the evening where Colton faces his fear of heights by bungee-jumping 1000 feet off a rickety looking rig. Now, I've been to my fair share of county fairs and I've made it a personal rule to not go upside down in any contraption that can be packed away and put on a truck at a moment's notice by two hard working carnies who can't afford another lawsuit. This bungee-jump setup makes the pack-and-play roller coaster look like an architectural masterpiece. During the evening portion of the date, Tayshia reveals that she's recently divorced and Colton reacts with an extremely empowering response that makes the feminist in me scream "YASSSSSSSSSS".

Ahead of the group date with 13 women (yikes), ABC producers tell Demi off-camera that Colton said "hard-pass" when she requested to urinate on him to mark her territory. Our industrious girl settles for the next best thing and makes him give her a piggyback ride as the 12 other women trot behind them. Demi's out for blood, which is ironic because for the second part of the date, the women go to leech therapy. Apparently, leech letting removes toxins from the body...but I think the entire purpose of the activity was just to give the girls some wordplay to describe the other contestants.

Demi secures the group date rose (and I PRAY a spot during hometowns) by telling Colton that her mom just got released from federal prison this week. Colton responds with grace, but I like to think he finds this disclosure reassuring that if Psycho Demi winds up killing him in his sleep at some point, at least part of her DNA is in the national registry. Colton's future prosecutor smiles.

On the last date of the night, Caelynn gets the 1:1 that all girls dream about. Colton picks her up in a Bentley and takes her for an all-day shopping spree. She tries on an undeniably hideous black kimono with fringe, and then a series of sports bra & jacket combos that Rocky Balboa's trainer apparently picked out. Caelynn pulls off each look flawlessly and I'm very jealous.

For the evening portion of the date, the show takes an out of character turn towards a serious topic. Caelynn tearfully describes how she was drugged and sexually assaulted in college. Her bravery and strength as she shares her experience is beyond impressive. Colton also impresses by asking thoughtful questions and sharing his support. It's a truly powerful moment between two high-caliber individuals.

Viewers get 1 quick commercial break to wipe their eyes and suddenly we're back to the trash content of this show that keeps me glued to my TV for 2+ hours every week. Demi continues to incite drama with Courtney (who I didn't even know what still on the show) at the cocktail house. Their clash culminates with Demi running to Colton to throw Courtney under the figurative bus.

Demi: "I'm one of the nicest people in the world"

Demi (2 minutes later): "Courtney is the cancer of the house"

Maybe I'm giving Courtney too much credit, but I think she played the strategy well here. She hadn't had any 1:1 time with Colton all week, so she knew her days were numbered. In her last moments with Colton before the rose ceremony, she tells our lead that Demi thinks this is "a game" and she's "playing to win". It's a low blow since the first rule of winning the Bachelor is also the first rule of fight club. Never talk about "winning" the Bachelor. Come on - Not only is it cheapening the institution of love, but it's also MY job to run the survivor-pool, not the contestants!

Sadly, Courtney's Hail Mary isn't enough to save herself; She and Tracy are both sent packing. Next week we're going to Thailand. Fun!