2019 Bachelor - Week 8 Update

Woo hooo! We've made it to hometowns baby - or as I like to call it - STD Test Day for the remaining contestants (fantasy suites are just around the corner, you know). And, as much as I hate the old tradition of the lead requesting PERMISSION from the father to propose, the interactions do make for good TV. To mark the occasion, let me walk you through my favorite awkward family moments from each date.

But first, we start the episode off on the right foot with another shower scene! I've really run the whole gamut of emotions on this throughout the season and I've landed with really enjoying it. It's here for the right reasons, if you will.

Caelynn's Hometown

We start up the night in Fredericksburg, Virginia. Caelynn gives Colton a tour through the small downtown, including pointing out her doctor's office. "And this is where ABC producers made me go to get tested for Herpes yesterday!"

We finally get to meet Miss North Carolina's family (why we're in Virginia, they don't really explain), and I'm picturing finally meeting some crazy pageant mom, assuming she's exactly like everyone featured on "Toddlers & Tiaras", trying to give everyone an air-brushed tan. I'm disappointed that Caelynn's family is super boring.

Favorite Exchange:

Caelynn's Dad: "How far are you going to take this relationship?"

Colton *what I imagine he's thinking to himself*: "Well at least to fantasy suites. She's beautiful!!"

Hannah G's Hometown

30 seconds in and I'm laughing. Hannah takes Colton to an etiquette class before she allows him to meet her family. If that isn't a red flag for "potentially a crazy chick", I'm not sure what is, but apparently, Colon is so bewildered about learning how to put a napkin on his lap, he doesn't even question it.

We make it to the evening dinner were we meet Hannah's Dad who is absolutely adorable. Colton asks for Hannah's hand in marriage and he responds with "Oh gosh. Hmm.. Well. Oh boy…I guess I've never really thought about it!" Did NO ONE brief this sweet poor man? Does he know his daughter is even on a TV show or is that just going to be a big surprise when his living room is on a million TV sets tonight?

Favorite Exchange:

*Hannah convincing her family of her relationship's validity*

Hannah G: "You know, he never made me feel like being with me was a coin toss. And last week really validated that for me"

Concerned Family Member: "Oh really? How so?"

Hannah G *paraphrased*: "He only gave 1 other girl on the same date as me a rose too!"

Oh you sweet, sweet innocent girl. You get that from your cute little Papa

Tayshia's Hometown

This date is super fun. On their first 1:1 Colton and Tayshia, who are both afraid of heights, go bungee jumping. So, as payback for that horrifying experience, and also presumably for him very likely publicly dumping her in front of a national audience, she takes him sky-diving. Colton is SHITTING himself and it's hilarious to watch.

As fun as the date is, meeting Tayshia's hardcore Dad is even more fun. He comes up with my favorite quote of the evening, and perhaps of the season: "You don't microwave relationships". Alas it's an essential tool for 95% of the cooking that I do, but apparently, you can't make love take flight in 90 seconds. The dude should write for Hallmark.

Favorite Exchange:

Colton: "I’m falling in love with Tayshia"

Tayshia's Dad: "You seem to be good with your words. But most of the time, if you don't know the right words, it's common to fall back on those same words you use all the time"

Colton: "No, that's not the case"

Tayshia's Dad: "OK so have you said you're falling in love with more than one person?"

Colton:

Cassie's Booty Grabbing Hometown

Cassie spends the day making out with Colton on a beach somewhere...how romantic for the couple to recreate their first date…. On the second date of their relationship. In the moments between their make-out sessions, Cassie tries to teach Colton how to surf, and he's pretty bad at it.

Finally, we get to meet Cassie's family, and her Dad looks like he's got 0 problems with going back to jail. Colton and Cassie can't even stop grabbing at each other long enough to not gross out her parents - there's some pretty serious sexual chemistry, but Colton is getting visibly frustrated since Cassie is the only remaining hold out who has not said she's falling in love with him.

Let's briefly recap their relationship here:

• Two Weeks Ago, 3 different women: "There are girls here still who are not ready"

• Last Week, Tayshia: "OK specifically, Cassie is not here for the right reasons and she is not ready."

• This week, Cassie to Colton's face: "I am not ready"

• Colton: Yeah idk! Not sure where she's at, but I do love grabbing that @ss!!!

Favorite Exchange:

Cassie's dad to an ABC interviewer: "Look. I don't want to judge him too quickly. But Colton, he--. Well, he---. He seems like… like a guy".

Rose Ceremony:

It's time! Each girl gets out of a limo one at a time and Chris Harrison earns his few million dollar paycheck by escorting each girl individually to the ceremony. Colton decides he's most interested in sleeping with Tayshia, Cassie, and Hannah G, so sadly Caelynn is sent home.

Next week, Fantasy Suites! Looks like we'll be bringing back the good-old Virginity Count for another episode. What fun awaits!