2020 Bachelor - Week 8

Hope everyone enjoyed the most cringe-worthy episode of the season – fantasy suites!

After last week’s rose ceremony, Madison pulls Peter aside to hem and haw in 10,000 words that she’s not saying that it’s a hard stop if he sleeps with his other girlfriends but it means a lot to her who her boyfriend sleeps with but and that it would be hard for her if he sleeps with the others but again she’s not saying no. He walks away confused, but it seems pretty clear. It’s up to Peter to see if he’ll be making the decisions this week or if all thinking will be done by his little Peter.

The women are FINALLY allowed to leave the Americas and are jetted off to Australia. After they land, they realize that all 3 are staying in the same hotel suite. Flights are expensive, guys!

My favorite part is when Madi and Hannah realize they’re roomies and they smile and hug and compliment each other, yet when Victoria arrives, they look like they’re considering pulling the fire alarm. No one likes Crazy unless you get to watch the drama from your couch and it’s not your boyfriend / husband it’s sleeping with!

If the lead into this episode hasn’t already been terrible enough, the contestants’ mutual boyfriend arrives speaking in the worst Australian accent I have ever heard. Yikes, I’d almost rather be in the slums of Peru again. GET ME OUT OF HERE.

Hannah Ann gets the first date and they spend the day at the beach. For the evening portion of the date, Hannah wears an open back dress since we both know there’s no way Peter would be able to figure out how to unclasp a bra. They agree to forgo their individual rooms and ya’ll IDK who forgot to tell the camera crew to leave but the FOOTAGE THEY SHOWED HAD ME SCREAMING. Is this even allowed during prime time!?!

Hannah comes back to the hostel and Madi and Victoria try not to notice that Hannah is definitely walking a little sore. Before Peter can even clean himself up, Victoria gets ready for her date. The first part of the date doesn’t go terribly by our impossibly low standards for their relationship. Victoria didn’t yell at Peter! Victoria didn’t have a temper tantrum! Great!! For proof, I've included rare footage of Victoria actually smiling!

The tumultuous couple pushes too far on the limits of what’s possible as Victoria starts downward spiraling again. You can see the desperation in Peter’s face to get her to stop crying. He did not work THIS HARD or come THIS FAR to NOT sleep with her! She pauses her crazy so that they can have a little fun.

We get to Madison’s date and I’m real nervous. Both Victoria and Hannah came back with that stupid look on their face that can only mean one thing. During the day portion of the date, Madison gets the boring luck of the draw as the “action adventure” portion of the date is climbing a few sets of stairs outside. Sure it was at the top of a tall building and there probably was some element of danger, but it did not come across well on screen…The whole thing looked about as exciting as watching me take the stairs after a big lunch.

In the evening portion of the date, Madison admits to Peter that she has been saving herself for marriage, but perhaps the bigger shock is that this stunning woman who is a finalist in a reality tv show has these things called “standards” that she’s not willing to compromise on. Peter looks shook. Honestly, you’d think the ABC producers might have screened respectable candidates like this out pretty early in the selection process, but here she is.

Peter admits that he slept with another contestant, and let’s all safely assume that it was Hannah Ann, given that we literally watched the footage. Madison is upset. Peter is upset that Madison is upset. And the last 30 minutes are just of Madison crying and Peter apologizing for getting laid. Ah, who said this show didn’t mimic reality? Let’s find out what happens next week!